The Horseman
The day after trinity
streamers of a dark sun
still circling slowly
around the globe
uncertain as to prospect
of settling
as a crouching giant
with closed eyes
or rekindling
as an archer, hooded
with burning fingers
Mera lay in a state
of silent speech
speaking, not speaking
to her two brothers
Signal
Electric detonators
Donation wave
Shock wave
Aluminum pusher shell
Uranium tamper
Liquefy, vaporize
Power, desire
I crouched
under my desk
boy's fingers
latticed
as sheltering cap
to my bent head
listening to the teacher
as she talked, talked
about staying calm
not worrying
if
it should ever happen
It was unique
to be under there
told to go there calmly
where only mischief
might otherwise lead
rough wood smell
and cloistered, childish sweat
made it feel like a place
other than school
A cruel illusion
or a kindness?
What child should fear
after all
a torn picture
of an incinerated form
beneath a charred desk?
A phantom haven
can still shelter
a soul
Nature
is never fanciful
said Talas
minds that play
with such elaborate fantasies
will always take
a false, bright road
The day after trinity
streamers of a dark sun
still circling slowly
around the globe
uncertain as to prospect
of settling
as a crouching giant
with closed eyes
or rekindling
as an archer, hooded
with burning fingers
Mera lay in a state
of silent speech
speaking, not speaking
to her two brothers
Signal
Electric detonators
Donation wave
Shock wave
Aluminum pusher shell
Uranium tamper
Liquefy, vaporize
Power, desire
I crouched
under my desk
boy's fingers
latticed
as sheltering cap
to my bent head
listening to the teacher
as she talked, talked
about staying calm
not worrying
if
it should ever happen
It was unique
to be under there
told to go there calmly
where only mischief
might otherwise lead
rough wood smell
and cloistered, childish sweat
made it feel like a place
other than school
A cruel illusion
or a kindness?
What child should fear
after all
a torn picture
of an incinerated form
beneath a charred desk?
A phantom haven
can still shelter
a soul
Nature
is never fanciful
said Talas
minds that play
with such elaborate fantasies
will always take
a false, bright road
painting copyright Malcolm Deeley
and wander endlessly
though a straight, dark one
might
lie
right
before
them
Power, power
of unthinking forces
All the rest
may have purpose
but only as a game
Rane
listened
horrified
Down, down into the depths
What would you do
in the last moments
if the world
was about to end?
We used to lie
in the dry grass
of a sere summer hillside
and watch planes
move high overhead
in the night sky
She wants me to say
if one carried old Fat Man
that I would hold her hand
draw her close
and so flash from life
focused on her only
I say it
She smiles
Though
in a young man's
ape brain
the thought of screwing
in such a blaze
flickered
beneath the gauze
He will break
thought Mera
suddenly afraid
Talas' cool voice
how it plunges Rane
toward madness
Of course
I don't deny nature
I am as much
its product
as you
my works
as yours
Was nature outraged
when the young earth's
hot crust
spewed poisons
in primordial night?
Is the sun
though a straight, dark one
might
lie
right
before
them
Power, power
of unthinking forces
All the rest
may have purpose
but only as a game
Rane
listened
horrified
Down, down into the depths
What would you do
in the last moments
if the world
was about to end?
We used to lie
in the dry grass
of a sere summer hillside
and watch planes
move high overhead
in the night sky
She wants me to say
if one carried old Fat Man
that I would hold her hand
draw her close
and so flash from life
focused on her only
I say it
She smiles
Though
in a young man's
ape brain
the thought of screwing
in such a blaze
flickered
beneath the gauze
He will break
thought Mera
suddenly afraid
Talas' cool voice
how it plunges Rane
toward madness
Of course
I don't deny nature
I am as much
its product
as you
my works
as yours
Was nature outraged
when the young earth's
hot crust
spewed poisons
in primordial night?
Is the sun
roaring furnace, lifeless
evil?
Your definition is narrow
Still waters, thunderstorms
the first
overcome by disturbance
the second
by calm
Hammer
Uranium ball
Hammer
Plutonium ball
Maximum
Compression
Anticipation, satisfaction
I think
of the clock
stopped
in the instant
flesh gone
flesh ravaged
I think
of the midnight watch
whose hands
move forward and back
I think
the saddest thing would be
the stupidity of being apart
from my wife
threading
the mouse maze
of daily, mundane ritual
when the first clock
repeated
and the second
ended its spastic dance
So I wait, in middle life
forgetting it all, mostly
prizing the night
when we sleep, we breathe
in the same room
When Talas narrows his view
behind his closed eyes
there is an orrery
Serene waters
beneath Europan ice
storms that could swallow
all Earth
on Jupiter, on Neptune
Ancient forces
bearing names
of old gods
older than Rane
and his impotent peace
his impotent rage
Now
move back, back
to a distant vantage
where the planets and moons
their tortured surfaces
evil?
Your definition is narrow
Still waters, thunderstorms
the first
overcome by disturbance
the second
by calm
Hammer
Uranium ball
Hammer
Plutonium ball
Maximum
Compression
Anticipation, satisfaction
I think
of the clock
stopped
in the instant
flesh gone
flesh ravaged
I think
of the midnight watch
whose hands
move forward and back
I think
the saddest thing would be
the stupidity of being apart
from my wife
threading
the mouse maze
of daily, mundane ritual
when the first clock
repeated
and the second
ended its spastic dance
So I wait, in middle life
forgetting it all, mostly
prizing the night
when we sleep, we breathe
in the same room
When Talas narrows his view
behind his closed eyes
there is an orrery
Serene waters
beneath Europan ice
storms that could swallow
all Earth
on Jupiter, on Neptune
Ancient forces
bearing names
of old gods
older than Rane
and his impotent peace
his impotent rage
Now
move back, back
to a distant vantage
where the planets and moons
their tortured surfaces
and labored histories
all recede
drift back
until only pinpricks of light
remain
cool and tiny
Look up
into the roof of space
like looking down
on a night sea
sprinkled with phosphorescence
A brush of my hand
could sweep the planets away
a child's marbles
briefly glittering
before being relegated
to the dark
This is home
X-rays
Ablation
Deuterium
Tritium
Helium
Fission
Amusement, fire
The day after
the day after trinity
Mera looked
for her one-time lover
because his voice had gone dark
in her mind
and brown and red clouds
covered the world
Anger at Talas
could yield no consequence
Grief for Rane
had been rendered
pointless
She sought for his thoughts
once throbbing and bright
and found only
wasteland
wasteland
wasteland
In my bed
wrinkled hands
on my breast
I thought of a desert
stark but compelling
hot sand, bare rock
hard light, and withered shadows
He was standing there
a horse
powerful of limb
but with gaze no longer natural
eyes shot through
with scarlet and slate
and with all my heart
with a need
that I knew must kill me
I longed
to ride him
(c) 2003 Malcolm Deeley
all recede
drift back
until only pinpricks of light
remain
cool and tiny
Look up
into the roof of space
like looking down
on a night sea
sprinkled with phosphorescence
A brush of my hand
could sweep the planets away
a child's marbles
briefly glittering
before being relegated
to the dark
This is home
X-rays
Ablation
Deuterium
Tritium
Helium
Fission
Amusement, fire
The day after
the day after trinity
Mera looked
for her one-time lover
because his voice had gone dark
in her mind
and brown and red clouds
covered the world
Anger at Talas
could yield no consequence
Grief for Rane
had been rendered
pointless
She sought for his thoughts
once throbbing and bright
and found only
wasteland
wasteland
wasteland
In my bed
wrinkled hands
on my breast
I thought of a desert
stark but compelling
hot sand, bare rock
hard light, and withered shadows
He was standing there
a horse
powerful of limb
but with gaze no longer natural
eyes shot through
with scarlet and slate
and with all my heart
with a need
that I knew must kill me
I longed
to ride him
(c) 2003 Malcolm Deeley